None But The Lonely Heart
by ahming
Summary: Leo takes a walk to think some things over in his life. He wonders, does anyone truly know what being lonely is?You'd think a mutated turtle forced to live a life of fear would, but somehow Leo thinks someone else out there could know better than even him


_Really don't know why I wrote this. I was watching an episode of the twilight zone, episode 'The Saucer of Loneliness', and I saw a scene that made me just... want to write this. It's pretty stupid, has no real point. And I suck at writing for Leo... But I just felt compelled to write it._

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Do you know what being lonely is? I mean, do you truly, truly know what being lonely is?

Often times I exasperate myself lecturing my brothers on the dangers of the outside world, telling them time and time again that, despite being careful, despite being ninja, things could happen. Things out of our control. Every time we go out and patrol, I wonder, will we all come back? Will our father still be waiting for us when we return home? I guess Donny's right, sometimes, I overanalyze things a little too much, but I really can't help it. I'm not always as calm and cool as everyone thinks. And it isn't even just losing my temper with Raphael- no, it goes a whole lot deeper than that.

Raph likes to voice his opinions of me every chance he's given. I don't really know if he fully believes in what he says, or if he says it just because he knows it gets to me, but sometimes I have to sit back and think about them. Sometimes they're true, and, me being just as stubborn as him, I tend to ignore the truth.

I love being the Leader, but at the same time, I hate it, and wouldn't wish it on any of my brothers, especially Raphael. He wanted so badly to be the Leader, and I can see it in his face every time I make a command, but I know I saved him, and it makes me feel better, even when he tells me he hates me. I learned to deal with the responsibilities and stresses of my leadership many ways, meditation generally topping the list.

Ever since we were old enough to go out by ourselves, though, I find myself wandering the harbor late at night, late enough to ensure no one will be around to see me. I've done this many times when I feel the world crashing down around me, when I feel my least confident, and even when I cannot confide in my loving father.

I've come to realize that even I do not understand what being truly lonely is.

Granted, my family and I, we're different. We're mutants. We have to live in the sewers and hide from the outside world, despite the random acts of kindness we display. I don't think it'll ever be enough, though. The fact that we have minds, consciences, the fact that we'll never reproduce- any of us... Even though we have ourselves, our family, we're still utterly, utterly alone.

And yet, I still can't help but think that not even my family knows what it is to truly be lonely.

Because we really aren't, you see? No matter how alone I'm feeling right now, I have three brothers, a caring father, and two amazing friends to go to, and they all have me.

I know I shouldn't be out this late, I think to myself as I clutch the amber colored bottle between my fingers, staring into it. I wonder how many other people around the world are doing what I'm doing right now. I suppose I'll never know. It feels silly, foolish to be doing, but I can't help it. Something inside me needs this.

_Will it make a difference?_ I wonder.

I stare down at the bottle and almost frown, wondering what my brothers would say, seeing me so weak.

I reel my arm back and cast the bottle into the water before me, hearing it splash and watching it bob around on the surface lightly, being carried out until it slowly melts away from my vision. I envision my handwriting on the slip of paper inside the bottle, recalling the words so clearly that have given me strength to battle my demons and continue on to this day:

_"When you truly feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."_

I can't honestly tell you how many times I've thought of giving up, just giving up and leaving again and not coming back. It gets tiring, it gets depressing, but I know deep down in my heart that I could never abandon my family. My family, the reason I've held on for so long. Every thing I've ever done, I've done for them, even if they don't realize it.

I know someone out there is lonely, truly lonely, and I can't help but wonder whom. And I hope, although I realize how illogical it is, that this message reaches them just in time, wherever they are.


End file.
